[Text message from a dude sent Feb 1st)
Guy: how’s your new years going so far?
[Keep in mind we met on the street while shopping for Halloween costumes in October, where he proceeded to ask my name and then stalk for my email address from my school’s Dance Marathon website (circa 2006). We have not spoken since that one night..]
Guy: We can be like the movie No Strings Attached. You can be Natalie and I’ll be Ashton
Girl: (No Response)
Guy: Come to Ashton, Natalie
Girl: (No response)
Guy: No strings attached, promise
Girl: (No response)
Scene: College Crew Team Boathouse, after practice.
The Men’s crew team at my school, like most other small, liberal arts colleges, suffered from a bro-mance problem, a problem that definitely pushed the bounds of a platonic relationship. Intra-team romances were notoriously public, and the men’s team seemed to thrive on the juicy details of their teammates’ conquests—you will rarely find a viable male partner on a crew team, especially during the college years of their ‘cognitive development’.
One cool, fall day, the men’s team finished practice before the women’s team, and when we came off the water, what we discovered in the boathouse was less than reassuring.
As we walked past the entrance to the men’s locker room we saw….shower steam pouring out of the entrance….and we heard…’it’s raining men’ blasting from the radio accompanied by the off-tune bellows of our male teammates.
Needless to say…when you mix spandex and a bro-mance enforced environment….the line between hetero and homosexuality disappears, and us ladies are, unfortunately, left with no choice: SFAR!
Song of the Day- Drake and Rihanna
Dear Rihanna,
Congratulations, you officially just made living in a studio in the East Village with no dishwasher seem sexy. A for effort, but washing wine glasses with a handled sponge is depressing and often quite challenging. I’m surprised this video didn’t also include a montage of you chasing around mice and cockroaches to add to the “I’m a real person” schtick.
Love,
All the girls washing our own wine glasses despite paying $1400 a month in rent
Song of the Day- Drake and Rihanna
Dear Rihanna,
Congratulations, you officially just made living in a studio in the East Village with no dishwasher seem sexy. A for effort, but washing wine glasses with a handled sponge is depressing and often quite challenging. I’m surprised this video didn’t also include a montage of you chasing around mice and cockroaches to add to the “I’m a real person” schtick.
Love,
All the girls washing our own wine glasses despite paying $1400 a month in rent
Goodnight BJ?
(After spending every night together for 9 months)
Scene: couple sitting on the couch watching tv
Guy: So, is it okay that I got a blow job last night?
Girl: ??! What?! When could you have possibly gotten a blow job?
Guy: Well, I took a girl out to dinner and walked her home and she offered to give me a blow job and her mouth looked clean so…
Girl: Believe me. Even if her mouth looks clean, a girl that offers to give you a BJ on the walk home from dinner does not have a clean mouth. What? Is the good night BJ the new kiss goodnight?