Taffeta, Aisle Five!

Posted on 10/05/2011 by admin

Spotted: A bride in Manhattan (not the nice, tree-lined, Central Park part of Manhattan, I’m talkin 23rd and 5th here) in a poofy weddding dress on a Monday evening.

Said bride is hoisting up her dress and walking, nay waddling along Fifth avenue in old flip flops past Italian food imporium Eataly. Her husband is walking behind her with a Whole Foods bag packed full of stuff slung over his back.

Wow. How romantic! I mean, we don’t expect Kate Middleton shit on my wedding day, but this scene was just depressing.

Posted in This is Awkward | 1 Comment

OCD Much?

Posted on 10/05/2011 by admin

Backstory: After three weeks of dating a guy who I thought was a somewhat shy cutie from the Midwest, I saw his apartment for the first time when I slept over one night.  Horror awaited. For your convenience, a sampling of apartment red flags that should signal your immediate and permanent departure.

The List:

-A plastic tub in the kitchen sink that he washes dishes in BEFORE running them through the dishwasher. When informed plastic absorbs more germs than stainless steel, the reply is “I don’t know, it’s what my mom does.”

– Tape on his shower knobs that mark their precise adjustment yielding his ideal water temp. Towels of all kinds are washed after ONE use.

– Plaid bedding.

– The glass of water you set down last night, but now on a coaster he got back up out of bed once you were asleep to put in place.

– Labeled shelves for cleaning products.

#SFAR

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XXX XXXX Bud- Call Me

Posted on 10/05/2011 by admin

We are all about creativity and expression. We’re also fans of social networking in public without having a dude accidentally swig out of your beer. With that said, let us introduce Anheuser-Busch’s “My Bud Light”, a new way to personalize your beer.

To the young gentlemen out there reading, please note that no matter how fun it is to scratch off labels with a coin, etching your number on an empty bottle is no way to pick up a lady. Thanks in advance.

Xo

SFAR

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“Bossman” aka Mr. Nightlife

Posted on 09/05/2011 by admin

I used to work at a nightclub and had a huge crush on the owner who was an intense womanizer. One night we went to an afterparty, he dragged me in the bathroom and started going down on me and we broke the sink! He had to call one of his busboys to repair it. We then had crazy sex for like two days straight. Fastfoward five years later. I move back into the city and get a job as a cocktail waitress at a new nightclub that he owns. He doesn’t let on that he knows who I am. One night all the employees go to an after party at his loft. We’re all there and he starts to make out with me. He goes “I’m so sorry but I don’t remember your name”. “We’ve already had sex MULTIPLE times”, I respond and start laughing out of pure disbelief. He begs me to stop laughing AT him. And that is the end of the boss sex story.

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Song of the Day: Lights by Ellie Goulding

Posted on 06/05/2011 by admin

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Obese Man Baby

Posted on 04/05/2011 by admin

Okay so…this is awkward. And really creepy. Apparently there are not only grown men who act “like babies”, there are grown men who openly prefer to live like babies (e.g. sleep in cribs, suck on pacifiers and wear diapers) in the comfort of their own homes.

In this National Geographic clip, you will meet Stanley. He is a 29 year old man who likes to “play or be treated as a baby” by his caretaker, Sandra Diaz. Sandra is a former nurse, and also pretty creepy. We’re not sure how Stanley scammed Sandra into taking care of his penguin footie-pajama’d self, but by the way she rubs his head and gingerly bottle-feeds him, we’ll venture to say that she relishes her role.

Continue reading →

Posted in This is Awkward | 2 Comments