Single for a Reason

(message sent via match.com)

I’m not sure whether to engage you in said witty banter or play the guy’s favorite, the cool hand luke routine, succinctly inviting you for a succulent dessert at Kramerbooks. Actually, I’d invite you on a jog ahead of time, in anticipation of chocolate, and for a uniquely adventurous introduction, but then you’d find out I don’t actually smell like sandalwood and flannel, if a little of crispy sunlight. I probably will continue to smell like Fluffy too, a dog whose acquaintance I made in Adam’s Morgan today, and he did a little more than give me paws. Trust me, I’ve already gotten more than I deserve for that pun.

I take it you like Dylan? I saw him live (half-dead?) only once, but if you say you do, I’ll add a very small Dylan gift to my Kramerbooks tab; I trust you’ll say yes a little more promptly than your looks would warrant, so I can fetch it in time.
Oh, I’m new at this online dating thing too, as of a couple weeks. So you can verify I’m not some fraudulent freakshow, please feel free to e-mail the distinguished ________ ______, my boss and teacher, address at: _______  Though you wouldn’t be my first “match”, he hasn’t done a dating reference before, and I haven’t forewarned; just put my name in the title and he’ll be delighted to confirm. That’s if you feel you need, but don’t hesitate either; I’d have my doubts if I were a woman.

Did you get your palm read by that same lady who accosts me in DuPont every night? I’m rather hoping you were just joking, but I’m also friends with some spiritually developed people, and very open-minded.

So, late week, Kramer’s?