Come Find Me

Boy: We r in Meatpacking. Come find me.

Girl: I hope you realize how ridiculous that message was.

Boy: Ya it was, but where r u?

Girl: Home.

Boy: Where r u?

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New Yorkers… Single for Many Reasons

According to a New York Times article documenting Murray Hill (a post-grad den for bros) in New York City. Within the limits of the fratty neighborhood lies a high-rise apartment building with 700+ apartments (each probably containing 3 people thanks to fake walls).

In that building alone, 70.5 percent of households are occupied by singles, and 79.5 percent of adults are college graduates. That means in one square block of Manhattan, there are approximately 1000 single people, most of whom are under the age of 30.

We have our own theories on why there are so many singles in New York, but you can figure those out for yourself, just read the commentary in the NYT article…

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Cool Company. Really?

Single 1: Great time as always. Get some rest; safe travels tomorrow.

Single 2: Fun evening, cool company. Have a good day.

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Fraternities

 

An e-mail sent to a fraternity listserve by the president.

~~

Bros,

Just as a reminder, please have your Formal dates secured by NO

LATER than the end of THIS WEEK. Plan for the formal to be on

SATURDAY so that the girls do not think its on Friday and accept

invites from other houses. If the formal has to be on Friday for some

God forsaken reason, then you will still have a date for our formal

anyway.

Obviously because of the events of last night, in combination with

other unfortunate events that have occurred this semester, we all must

be taking EXTREMELY hot dates so that we will dominate in girls and

social dynamic. Like I said in chapter, the date who you take to

formal is a reflection of you; therefore, it is a reflection of the

house as well. If we all take good looking dates, then all the rushes

will know that we are cool and have a good following of hot girls. If

your potential date is not AT LEAST an 8, please reconsider and take a

girl who is.

 

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Scabies (STD)

The following message was sent to me via Facebook by a guy I had hooked up with several times over various holidays.

Message:

“i dont know how to tell you this but you seem to have given me scabies (STD) when we hooked up last.  you are the only person ive hooked up with in the past 3 months so it couldnt have been anyone else.  you should probably have yourself checked since this shit is awful”

[End of message].

I made the mistake of reading this message at work, where I promptly freaked out, questioned every decision I’ve ever made, freaked out some more, wondered whether scabies qualify as an STD, and then made a medical appointment. I absolutely did not believe his claim could be accurate, but when you read a note like that, of course you become concerned and could believe the worst. I visited with my doctor that afternoon who laughed because she detected absolutely nothing wrong and stated that scabies are in fact not an STD. I was relieved yet still confused. But, I had a diagnosis, everything was fine.

Note: the writer of this message did not have scabies. After several messages back and forth,  it was determined by a medical professional (aka his childhood pediatrician) that he was suffering from a common condition known as jock itch.

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Uninspired

(sent via okcupid)

subject: hello

body: im a good guy

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