Boyfriend: So, my mom thinks you and I should stop having sex.
Girlfriend: Wait…what? Are you seriously considering that?
Boyfriend: I mean, she’s always told me what to do, and I’ve always listened to her.
Boy: I just like really want to find a girl I can get to know. It’s important to me that I find an emotional connection before the physical…you know?
Girl: Sure.
Guy: So…do you want to go back to my room? I mean my roommate’s in there, but we can go in the bathroom.
Girl: I’m sorry…what?
Guy: Oh, I just thought we had a deeper emotional connection.
Haiku based on a True Story from a night out in Greenwich Village:
Fat bro on dance floor
No, I don’t want to kiss you
Get (your) hands off my crotch (please)
March 8, 2010 8:56 pm
Facebook message from Boy X: hey stranger. long time no see. just moved to hoboken, and i see that you live in the city. we should grab a bite or a drink soon and catch up. it would be great to see you. talk to you soon…
No reply on girl’s part.
May 13, 2010 11:56 pm
Facebook message from same Boy X: hey stranger… its been way to long… im living in hoboken and see ur living in manhattan, so we should meet up for drinks and catch up…
Thank you makers of, The Bachelor, for reminding me that while the perfect guy is professing his love to me tonight, he will likely be motorboating a hairstylist from Salt Lake City tomorrow. SFAR xo
Confessions of Affection
If you are considering a girl you have known for many years that you have “always liked her,” always had a “thing” for her in college or high school, or secretly always wanted to date her, this is probably a bad idea. Particularly if you are drunk at a bar at 3 AM and have had 8 whiskey drinks. The only thing that act tells a girl is that you were too much of a
to tell her in the first place, multiple years ago, when these feelings allegedly began and are probably just trying to get in her pants. NEXT!