About 8 years ago, I was dating a guy I was way too good for, but my self esteem was so low that I didn’t see it that way. I would have done pretty much anything for this guy, even though he didn’t deserve it. Even after he revealed he had two children (by two different mothers), that wasn’t a show stopper for me. I was so naive and full-hearted that I brushed away any evidence that he was a) an asshole or b) cheating on me. Of course, he was, both of those things. When reality first began to dawn on me I was crushed, heartbroken. I guess I must have gone through an angry phase too, although I don’t really remember feeling angry when I did this next thing; however it was pretty spiteful so I have to assume it was motivated in part by anger.
He wanted some things back that he had left at my place… Of course, I said, come get them. Among these things was a tshirt that said “PIMPIN’ AIN’T EASY.” (I know, okay, I told you he was an asshole.) Looking at this stupid, stupid article of clothing I was suddenly hit with a brilliant idea. I went to work with scissors, needle and thread in a way that would have made my grandmother proud (unless she knew the result I had in mind). Carefully I cut apart each letter, carefully I rearranged them, carefully I sewed them back together. I folded the shirt and put it in the stack of items for Mr. Big Pimpin’ to collect. When he came to gather his things I was calm, kind even- “I wish you the best” and all that. I kissed his cheek and watched him walk away with his belongings, including a shirt now bearing the message “I AM A TINY PENIS.”