Levi Johnston: Deer in the Headlights

Once upon a time, John McCain decided he needed to win the votes of American women and called up a lil’ lady named Sarah Palin to ask if she would be his running mate. Little did he know that this soccer momin’, deer shootin’ Alaskan Governor would go from unknown neighbor of Russia to the biggest fame whore in all the land.

But enough about Sarah, let’s talk about Levi, the redneck baby daddy of Palin’s teenage daughter Bristol (who recently had some “corrective jaw surgery” and magically has an entirely new FACE, btw.) At first, Levi cleaned up his act. He put on a suit jacket and forcibly proposed to his Bristol to the contentment of abstinance and pro-life preachers near and far. Sadly, as so many young romances do, the flame died and the couple called off their engagement in 2009.

Somewhere around that point in time, things started to get freaky as Levi asserted his independence and went rogue on the family, beginning his journey down the long, hard road of a celebrity who has no actual talents or merit besides shit-talking and flashing his shlong for Playgirl. Priceless cover.

Because Levi has had such a long, hard, interesting life, he decided to write a book, which he has entitled, “Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshares.” The cover of the book was released this week, and the photos pretty much sum up the complete doucheyness of this douchebag extraordinaire.  

No wonder Bristol fell for him. Those eyes, that creepy stache, his sorely in need of a haircut mullet, those teeth. What a dreamboat.

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