Category Archives: Terrible Texts

Ultimate Desperation

3 texts from different guys, each more desperate than the next:   1. Uknown Number: Up for a “you know what”? 2. Uknown Number: Dinner Wednesday?  Girl: …Who is this?  3. Uknown Number: Hi There!

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…and don’t call me sweetheart

Boy: Hello sweetheart, ur name was just brought up by the girl was was under the blanket on the couch that night I met u. What u doin sweetie? No response. Boy (3 weeks later): What you getting into tonight?

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I Hope You Woke Up Alone

Texts from a guy 5 minutes after meeting him on NYE. Guy: So I just met u, call me so we can talk Girl: No response Guy: I really meant what I said, it was nice to meet you Girl: … Continue reading

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Boobs and Basketball

boy: so someone just sent me a picture of emma watson’s boobs haha girl: cooool boy: i don’t believe this picture is real. i have reason to believe it was fabricated girl: (no response) boy: what’s the score of the … Continue reading

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All Aboard the Train to Douche Town

Boy: Where to fucker? Girl: Are you kidding? Boy: gggmg%mvvmgmvmg%mmvsgamd

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Bed Bugs for Steak Dinner, Not an Even Exchange

Girl: I hear your company has bed bugs. Are you in quarantine? Boy: Lol, it is miserable, how does news spread like that? What happened to our date lil lady? Girl: I have intel, you never followed up on a … Continue reading

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Come Find Me

Boy: We r in Meatpacking. Come find me. Girl: I hope you realize how ridiculous that message was. Boy: Ya it was, but where r u? Girl: Home. Boy: Where r u?

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Cool Company. Really?

Single 1: Great time as always. Get some rest; safe travels tomorrow. Single 2: Fun evening, cool company. Have a good day.

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Scabies (STD)

The following message was sent to me via Facebook by a guy I had hooked up with several times over various holidays. Message: “i dont know how to tell you this but you seem to have given me scabies (STD) … Continue reading

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